Awesome Jeep Info

by Ryan Barnes on November 3rd, 2008

I own and drive a 95′ YJ (Wrangler for you non-jeep people). So I figured this was an awesome list. I am not the creator of this list, just posting it all in one place. I got all of this information from www.jeepforum.com under the YJ Technical Forum.

You know you drive a YJ when…

a blanket is manditory winter driving equipment
you cary A bag of tools that has more tools then in your garage.
Every bump is a steering opportunity.
Your inline six sounds like a diesel….
You can inspect your wiper blades everytime you drive!
Deep scratches, bangs and dents don’t bother you any more. You actually look forward to them.
you have a hose just incase you need to rinse out
You realize you could have invested in buying a small third world country with the money you dumped in your rig…
theres a dent in your roof shaped like your head!
you have told your wife at least six times that you wouldn’t dump anymore money into it
you keep a jar of hand cleaner in your shower… right next to the scouring pad
You open the hood and you hear all the different noises
You have a bruised behind because the factory seat cusions have worn out.
Every dent and scratch has a story your friends don’t want to hear again
No matter how loud you turn up the stereo, all you hear is wind noise
Anytime you hear “Torx head” you grumble ‘Oh my God’……
When it snows outside, it snows inside too
after a road trip your favorite most often used word is “what?” because of soft-top induced deafness
the jaws of the round healight guys drop when they see you do an obsticle that they could not do.
you tell your friend with a TJ to drive your “real jeep”… knowing he’ll argue…
you cross paths with a Hummer and your girlfriend blurts out… “That guy must have a small penis.”
It takes 10 minutes to put the soft top back on…
You find a ‘lost’ tool every time you open the hood.
when you spend more time underneath it than driving it
your still driving it everyday even after 200K + miles
when you open the hood and friends comment “is this wire supposed to be hanging there like that not attached to anything?” and you can honestly and without fear answer “yea that little guy … you don’t need that little guy … it came like that”
when your gas gauge dances non stop
when you try to justify 11mpg
when you think coil springs just dont look like a jeep
when you carry a strap to pull out tj’s not yourself
You turn down dates because she is worried about getting her hair messed-up in your Jeep
you don’t mind cutting up your faorite car.
You know you drive a YJ when it is no longer getting older, but slowly becoming brand new part by part.
The young mommy who parks next to you in a new Unlimited at the mall tells you she loves your “vintage” Jeep.
You know you own a YJ when your leaf springs doubled as snow sleds/ski’s as you just climbed a snow pile.
You know you own a YJ when you only shovel up to your Jeep’s driver’s side door but not the whole drive-way.
You know you own a YJ when your only complaint about driving in the snow is the other drivers.
You need windshield wipers on the inside.
all your pants are missing the belt loop on the righht hand side from getting ripped off on the door striker when jumping in
You walk past the air freshener/auto detail aisle to purchase yet another basket of JB Weld, duct tape, and bailing wire.
It’s a common occurrance to find your 5 yr old son in the garage, on his back under the jeep banging away with a hammer “like daddy”.
when everyone tells you how easy it would be break in to then proceed to show you how the thief would get in
when most peoples ac goes on , the door come off
first dates fall back out on thier attempt to get in the heep
second dates learn how to un-zip the window just right to flick cig ashes
third dates are used to you staring at their chest as you go down secondary roads
fourth dates rarely happen
all your friends the first time out un-zip the window and let it flap in the breeze instead of tucked down in side, then the fight the wind to get the window closed
When your 2 year old son sees you working on the jeep, turns to Mom and says “Daddy broke the Jeep again”
When you carry a spare set of clothes just for driving in the summer…..on your vinyl seats…..with no A/C.
you can run over a dime on the road, and tell whether its heads or tails.
when you get back from a quick trip to the grocery store and your wife says “you smell like you’ve been working outside”.
You’ve bought and sold several very nice cars, but still have the jeep
When you have to pick up your wife someplace and she asks you to please use her Honda
There is no such thing as a “cheap” or “fast” fix for any problem
when your seat covers have become your new seats and you cant seem to remeber the colour of the originals and you frankly don’t care
it starts raining, and you pull out a squeege and hand it to the girl in the passenger seat telling her job is wipe the windshield…. from the inside
after taking it out for a spin, you tell the gril in the passenger seat, “don’t tell your boyfriend I got you all wet.”
you realize that your Jeep is the next generation to begin appreciating in value.
When your wife tells you it better be the only girlfriend you have
a tractor trailer passes you going uphill
when your floor mat can be seen from underneath the jeep as well as it can from the inside
You walk through your garage and find a rusty bolt lying where your Jeep is usually parked and you just pick it up and set it aside thinking you may find a spot for it next time you’re under your rig.
Your only cup holder is the crotch of your pants and you have the coffee burns to prove it.
You are the only one at the car wash hosing out the inside of your vehicle.
You hold up traffic at a toll booth because you can’t get your window unzipped.
When the joke “No, I have NATURAL air conditioning!” is no longer a joke because you’ve come to believe it
When you give Hummer drivers the finger when they try to waive at you
when you’re a single man with a Jeep when just a few days ago you heard the words, “It’s either me or the damn Jeep!”
When the seat belt that is rotted out is the least of your worries.
when your friends are working on making there cars or trucks mint inside and out and your ripping the interior out to hurc it and the paint on the jeep is scratched and faded from wheeling it through the woods.
you can take out your backseat because not even a 3 year old will fit back there
When you are the only one who will drive your car because its too bumpy
When you are the only one who will drive your car because the steering is loose
When you are the only one who will drive your car because cant see out the windshield
When you are the only one who will drive your car because shifting is hard
You find yourself saying “Do you hear something”?
you “accidentally” park on top of the civic that just flew past you yelling silly things
You notice the ‘new’ knock, tick, or rattle right away and your passenger looks at you like you’re crazy.
When your wife/gf, kids, friends ask you what you want for Christmas, you just say, “Just contribute to the Jeep fund.”
The mail/ups/fedex driver is on a first name basis with you!
When you are looking for more comfortable seats and they aren’t from another jeep but another make/model!
When you walk into AutoZone and the guys at the counter are happy to see you because there is some guy on the phone “looking for a few cans of Updog” …. and they know you’ll probably have heard of it and dumped a few cans into the crankcase. But little do they realize that the guy on the phone just wants them to ask him “What’s Updog?” … so he can say “Not a lot, man. What’s up with you?”
When you decide to take out an extra grand with your student loans because how the heck else could you finance those modifications and repairs on your budget with your credit?
your local offroad shop calls you to see if you will add a few things for them on your next Quadratec order.
while on the way to your deer stand, you hear tree limbs scraping the side of your Jeep, and you just grin. You grin because you’re thinking of how far you would have had to walk if you had driven the Grand Cherokee instead… because you would have parked it waaay back there
When the cops pull you over for:
-not having side view mirrors when your doors are off
-your bumper height exceeds state laws
You see a flatbed trailer in front of you and you wonder if you climb the back of it.
You see other cars and think how fake they are.
You Look at vehicles in the parking lot and wonder how well their parts would fit your YJ
You get funny looks from others when you struggle to get out of your heep (broken driver door).
You have to scrape the insides and outsides of your windshield on a cold morning.
You dont remember what your side mirrors look like.
when your parking spot has more oil in it than your oil pan
passenger asks ‘theres smoke coming from underneath and under the hood, is that bad?’ and you reply with ‘no thats normal!
it stalls every time you come to a stop
you get asked by dumb tj owners ‘why are your headlights square?’
when your friend can reach over and take the key out while your driving down the road, not shutting it off, and you have to say ‘hey dont loose that incase i want to lock my doors!
when your guages are a broad estimate
You have to shovel the mud off the driveway almost every Sunday evening
U see a Wrangler from the rear or side and U notice it has REAL Jeep hood latches
Every where U park it leaves an oil slick!!!
TJ mall crawlers won’t re-turn the Jeep wave!
You’re the guy at every drive-through who has to open the door to get your food because the window zipper is jammed and you’re pretty sure that if you unzip it, it will never zip up again…
You really hate those TJ/JK Rubicon owners because they drove off the dealership lot with half of the equipment that you have spent years installing and affording
You don’t have to worry about being accused of talking on the cell phone while going down the highway, because everyone you try to call says it sounds like you are riding out a hurricane in a cheap Walmart tent.
Your neighbors look at you in horror and amazement when they see you in the driveway hammering the living crap out of something under your Jeep.
your passanger askes you if its bad they see the road going under feet, and you assure them they’d get stuck at their armpits before they hit the road
You combat a rust monster every time you go under the Jeep.
you wake up in the middle of the night because you hear rain, knowing that your top/doors are off… and go back to sleep
5 seconds after leaving for work you let out a massive “DOH!” when you realize you forgot to pull the drain plugs the night before when it started raining
when in the odd instance you pass someone on the road in a YJ, they take it pesonally and pass you right back
every time you turn the key, you say a lil prayer to start up
rev your engine when next to a rice burner at a stop light
Your kids try and look cool by jumping out the back when you drop them off at school, only to have them hit their head on the cage, trip on the lip, and fall on their face in front of their friends.
You have discovered you don’t need a top, just a variety of hats
You never have to drive on group outings because it’s too windy/noisy/bumpy/exhausty
Your true gas mileage is a closely guarded secret– especially from your wife and/or girlfriend
You can’t explain how you can have so much fun driving so very slow
you have burn marks on your feet from driving with sandals/barefoot
when your two most used (and favorite) tools are the impact wrench and the angle grinder
You spend more time researching and repairing the YJ then driving it
It’s raining out and you casually look over to the passenger with a grin and put the one and only hat you have on in the Jeep
Your tools are worth more than your Jeep
You mod it …because you can
You can drop the windshield and do just for the bug… cool factor
You can hit things with your jeep and not cause any damage to the jeep but plenty to the things you hit
You worry about smaller cars pulling in front of you because you know you have to run them over centered so as not to flip
Smaller cars on the street are another reason for not running a sway bar
you know you drive a yj when the girl in your passenger seat looks over at you and winks and says “you got me wet”
when youre out for a ride back the trails and the girls in your buddys TJ hop out and ask if they can ride with you
when the puddles are larger inside your vehicle than the street
when like a sniper, you have to adjust for windage while driving
when you’re not bias ’cause you’ve got something from just about every automaker on the jeep somewhere
when you’ve never had to do a 3 point turnaround
when you can get something out of the back without turning around in your seat
You no longer see piles of rocks, dirt or any substances on the side of the road that you dont think of as a challange to ride over
you go to open your door and the paddle handle just flips backwards and the door won’t open-again
You have to explain to people that the bottle of windex and the squeegee is needed for the inside of the windshield not the outside.
when you cannot explain why you simply love to drive and can’t see yourself driving any other vehicle than that 13+ year old piece of art
when lil kids want to get thier picture takin in your “monster truck”
it’s running on 3 Cyl and gushing every vital fluid…just to get you home after a brutal off-road session…and makes it.
when you drive home with a hi-lift, chain and a log holding your rear axle shaft in
when you no longer fear the plow pile at the end of your driveway
when you find yourself making mental notes about every trail you pass during the week or a long trip
when you drive it so hard you HOPE it’ll break just so you can fix and upgrade it
when trail scratches become “pinstriping”
hondas are just speed bumps to you
when tj and jk owners say that jeeps are supposed to have round headlights you can proudly tell them nope there supposed to have leaf springs
four-banger doesnt mean anything sexual to you
You fabricate a steel bra for your wife
Your hard drive has over 5 gig of pics in a folder dedicated to it
Every part on your Jeep is made by Ford,(axles, engine, T-case) Chevy,(seats) or You in the garage
You’re mail ordering parts in the winter and cant wait until the summer to get working on it
You know you drive a YJ when you take over the garage and the wife’s Passat sits out in a snow bank
When you park close to someone so they can’t get in their car, but you can cause you’re door-less
when it rains you have to roll up your pants because the water runs down the inside of the dash and drips on your legs
when your guages get foggy on the inside of them
pull up to a gas staion and they say… “uhhh were is the gas newzzel at??”
you walk into NAPA and they ask “what broke this time?”
torx makes you wonder if your jeep was built in Ampsterdam
you put your High Lift Jack on your hood and people dont know what to say
every monday when you come into work everyone asks “hey what you and the Jeep do this weekend?”
when you decide that you dont like the color of your jeep, and break out cans of spray paint and change it
when your g/f refuses to ride in it because it makes her boobs hurt
you have to write a manual listing of all the quirks and do’s and don’ts if someone else drives your jeep
Others are scared to drive your jeep because of said quirks
you decide instead to spend a few grand this summer truly building up your YJ to the way you’ve always wanted
You keep the heater on high so you can’t here all the other noises
Your granddaughter opens the hood of her Barbi Jeep every so often and sticks her plastic tools in it, closes it and drives off.
nobody wants to steal it because they dont know if it will start, or how to drive it
you have more switches, levers & guages than a commercial airliner
When you are driving along in your beaten, battered, covered in mud YJ and see a yuppie in a new Range Rover, FJ, or Hummer and chuckle
the last time you said, “At least the ________ didn’t go”…it did
when everybody you meet in the parking lot comes up and says, “you know I used to own one of these.”
your idea of body work is a BFH and a can of Rust-oleum gloss black
when you go to the auto parts store you have to tell them the make and model of at least 3 different vehicles just to get the correct parts for your Jeep
when you drive in the rain just to get it clean, and hit puddles to get the big clumps off
you almost roll because you have a 4 banger and dont have the torque to crawl up rocks
The guys at Autozone and Carquest don’t ask you what you are working on any more, the know
You laugh at your friends as they try and figure out how to get in the passenger seat
a number of things can randomly fall off driving down the road
Previous Owner most likely nerver graduated high school
Bruce Springsteen and your YJ somehow compliment each other (Born in the USA)
the cup holders a 1/2″ deep, so you cant get the extra value meal because the drink will tip over
When a passing TJ driver believes you just flipped him the Jeep wave but you know in reality, you just raised your hand to block an icy cold draft and your arm froze there
You Can Fart As Loud As You Want, And Your Date Cant Here It.
Your entire christmas/birthday wish list is from Quadratec
Calming music to you is the sound of your mud tires as you do 60 down the road
Your on the trail and you hear a loud scratching sound from a branch going across your heep and you just SMILE
when 4wd.com send you christmas cards every year
when on the same trail, you hear the dana 30 u joint pop like a .22, and immediately know all the tools you need
when you buy your wife a baseball hat to wear on Jeep rides and she doesn’t complain
when you have the smaller engine and it gets worse mpg than the bigger engine
when you are reading these out loud and someone asks if you’re reading red neck jokes
You ask a stranger in a parking lot if they see anything that needs “runned over”. I love to do that
When you are invited to something you don’t want to go to, you can use the excuse that you will be working on the YJ, and not only will they believe you, but you really will work on it
When you break down on the highway or trail, the very next YJ that comes by always stops to help
when you’re driving you can always smell anti-freeze, or burning oil, and wonder if it was someone in front of you
when everyone tells you you have to go as MacGyver for Halloween
you sat here reading each and every one of these

This is by far, not every single one of them, but I’m getting a cramp from copy/pasting each and every one of them. Oh, and if you’re a jeepforum admin/mod/superpower and want this removed, just let me know.

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